June!?!?

It's June. Seriously...when did that happen?? It's crazy to think that 2010 is nearly half over. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I finally started remembering to use 10 instead of 09 when I am writing the date. And now it's June. Crazy.

And as I sit here and think for a minute about the year so far, it definitely hasn't gone the way that I thought that it would. Or the way that I hoped that it would. If you know me well, you already know that the biggest part of that is that it is June and I am still here. Here: sitting in my living room in Loganville. Still in Georgia. Not yet in Lima. Still in the house that I own here. Not yet free to leave and start the life that God has called me to there.

This is a strange place. I have been struggling a lot lately. In some ways, I feel disconnected from both the life that I am living here and the life that I am moving towards. People here are always asking me when I will be going. People there ask when I will be coming. It is difficult not to know the answer to these questions. I feel myself pulling away from some parts of my life here. I still love taking care of the kiddos at the hospital, but I am having a hard time taking a vested interest in the other parts of my job. I am hesitant to make new commitments or invest myself in new things here, but here is where I am. I want to live in the present and to see the things that the Lord has for me here in this time, but it is difficult. I am finding it hard to look toward and prepare myself for life in Lima. I am frustrated with the process. I am tired of the "in between."

And yet, I know that the Lord has something for me in this time. There have definitely been circumstances and people in the midst of these months of waiting that have been a tremendous blessing. I am thankful for those things. I know that I need to trust the Lord in this place, and look to Him for guidance. But, if I am honest, I am even having a hard time doing that. I know that He is who I need. He is the One who knows each of my days before any of them come to be. I know that He is worthy to be trusted. And still, I struggle to trust Him.

So, Lord, would you help me to trust You. Help me to remember and call to mind the ways that You are and have been so completely faithful in my life. Draw me to Your Word and to Your Truth more often. Guide my steps and help me to trust in Your timing. Open the doors toward Your path for the coming days and months. Help me to look to You and trust in Your will for my life. Amen.