Cultivating discipline: Thankfulness

Day 3: Today I am thankful for my roommate and her hidden artistic talents. Despite the fact that she has a ton of schoolwork to do, she has been slaving over Dr Seuss posters for my camp decorations. They are amazing, and so is she!

Cultivating Discipline: Thankfulness

Day 2: I am thankful for a good night of restful sleep, and the beauty of the day after a night of storms.

Cultivating Discipline: Thankfulness

My life is in serious need of some consistency and discipline.  In an effort to try to cultivate discipline, I want to try to write down something that I am thankful for each day for the next month.  Though I will be satisfied with myself to simply get these things jotted down in my journal each day, I thought that I would also try to record them here, in the good 'ole blog of mine.  I know that it has been over a year since I have written anything here, but I thought that maybe I would shake off the dust and maybe try to bring the blog back to life.  I am pretty sure my mom made a request for that not too long ago.  Since Momma doesn't ask me for much, maybe I will try to oblige.  As always, I make no promises...

Day 1: I am thankful for a day to rest.  I am thankful for space to be quiet and reflect.  For silence.  For a home that is comfortable and is in close proximity to good friends.  I am thankful for the Lord waking me up earlier that I normally would have and stirring my mind and thoughts toward quiet time and reflection, even after a very long day yesterday and few hours of sleep.  I am also thankful for a good cup of coffee out of my favorite mug.  ('Cause some times it's the little things that make me happy...)

Feeling Pensive

Do you ever slow down and really think about your life?  I will admit that I am not naturally very good about making time and space for reflection.  I often feel like my life is just passing by, without me slowing down to take a step back and really realize what is happening.  But every now and then, there are seasons or events that make me pause and take that step back. 

The past few years have been difficult ones for me.  I feel like my life is sort of stuck in a revolving door…  Around and around and around I go, but at the end of the day, I still find myself in the exact same place.  I am walking, but I am not actually going anywhere.   Lately, I have become increasingly frustrated with this place.  Frustrated…  Sad… Lonely…  I decide that something different has to happen; something has got to change.  And yet, another week goes by and I still find myself in that same place. I don’t mean just physical place or circumstances, though those things haven’t changed, but physical, emotional, spiritual… It all seems stuck.

This morning I read a reflection from a man that I know from Grace. He and his wife are beautiful people who reflect Christ’s love beautifully in the way that they love others.  They live in Colorado now, and this week their home burned to the ground in a wildfire there.  Talk about perspective… Thinking of them and reading Sid’s thoughts on the past few days stirred up a jumble of thoughts and emotions in me. Practical things like, “I really wish that AJ would get a rental policy…” to “I really wish the dogs were better trained so that they didn’t have to be crated when we are gone…” (I have a vivid imagination that sometimes conjures up thoughts of terrible things like fires happening while the dogs are helpless in their crates.  My eyes tear up even now just thinking about something like that...) It also stirs up bigger-picture thoughts like, “What do I really value in life?” “If I were left with literally no physical belongings in life, how would I respond?” “How am I making an impact on the world around me?”

Thoughts like these have been swirling around in my heart and mind a lot lately as I reflect on this place of life that I am in and struggle to pull myself together, for lack of a better way to put it. I feel like a bit of an emotional basket case lately, for a number of different reasons. I took a new role at work recently and am struggling to get a grasp of my new duties and responsibilities and figure out how exactly to do those things well without physically running myself into the ground. I feel physically exhausted much of the time. I am just beginning to make myself consider how some deep disappointments in the past few years have really impacted me, and how to deal with those things in a healthy way. I am realizing that I deeply miss some relationships that have been lost. There is a physical ache in me for the unfulfilled desires of a husband and children of my own, and I am just beginning to consider the ways that God may be interested in using that ache for His purposes while the desires remain unfulfilled. I have long been aware of the distance I have created between myself and God’s presence in my life, and am just beginning to make small steps toward inviting Him back in. Though I know that He has not gone anywhere, and that the Spirit is ever present within me, even when I choose not to acknowledge Him, I also know that my ability to see Him is severely limited by my choices not to pursue His Word, His presence, or to even make space to listen to what He may be trying to speak into me.  I know that the path to His Presence is simple:

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”

“You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you…”

I pray that the Lord would continue to stir these thoughts and desires in me.  I pray that it doesn’t take a tragedy for me to see the things that really matter in life. I pray that the Spirit would continue to stir my spirit for more of His Presence. I pray that the Lord would allow me to see the lives that He would have for me to impact right here where I am. I pray for physical rest. I pray for community – for friends to walk alongside that will provide encouragement and needed accountability. I pray for physical healing for so many that I know that need it. I pray for eyes to see and ears to hear.  I thank You, Lord, for Your unending Goodness and Faithfulness which does not depend on ours.  I thank you for the people and relationships that You have given me in my life, and pray that I would not take those for granted. I thank You for You, and I pray for more of Your Presence in my life.   

To chop or not to chop?

My hair, that is.  Chop?  Trim?  Do nothing?  This is the question...

I am low-maintenance when it comes to my hair.  (And a lot of other things.)  Some might call it lazy, apathetic, or cheap, but I prefer low-maintenance.  I tend to cut my hair about once a year.  Yep, I said once a year.  I have a routine: Chop it all off then grow it out again until I can't handle it anymore (and/or it looks nasty), then chop again.  And repeat.

So, I think it's that time again.  But the question is, what should I do?  Chop it all off short?  Leave a little bit more length than normal?  Get just a couple of inches taken off?  What do you think?  I would love to get some input, so there is a new poll on the left of the blog for you to vote!

Here are a few pictures to help you out:

After my last big chop - Dec 2009 (Please excuse the cheesy expression, the fact that this is a self portrait taken in my bathroom mirror, and the quality.  Thanks.)

April 2010 - Really short

November 2010 - about shoulder length

February 2012 - the current state

We Have a Garden!

Wait, let me correct myself...  AJ has a garden.  I have done nothing to participate in the cultivation of said garden.  But, as her roommate, I do get to share in the excitement of watching things grow and hopefully, in the eating of the fruits of her labor in the coming months.

Since my roommate as awesome and amazing and quite ambitious, we also have a compost bin in our backyard.  She built it herself out of some old pallets.  Not wanting to feel left out, the compost bin has decided that it wants to grow some "fruit" of its own.  I have no idea what this plant is, but it looks happy and healthy in the middle of the pile of compost:

My Addiction

This is the post where I make a confession.

I am addicted.

To what, you ask??

I am addicted to buying handmade pottery. Specifically mugs. I can't. stop. buying. them.

Our mug shelf is overflowing. And trust me, it has been purged. Several times. But still, there is something about a handmade mug that makes me want to buy it. Maybe it's that I wish I could do that! I have wanted to be able to make pottery since I was in middle school. Why didn't I ever learn? Who knows? In high school, I was so focused on academics that I didn't take many elective courses. I regret that a little bit now, but hey, it's never too late, right?? In fact, there is a place very close to me where you can take classes and rent studio time. I'll let you know when I sign myself up! First, though, I am going to take a couple of sewing classes that I got for my birthday. I have a sewing machine, but don't know how to use it, so I am going to check that one off the list in a couple of weeks. I am excited!

But, back to the topic at hand... Since I don't know how to throw a pot (or a mug...) for myself yet, I must keep enjoying the beauty of other people's talents. Here is my newest addition to the mug shelf, one that I bought this weekend at an art fair in Jasper:

What's better than enjoying a cup of hot Casi Cielo coffee out of this beauty??

My favorites